“Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.” ~ Bill Ayers
Bill makes a good point, because the surest way to get a child to close the door on parental advice is to convey to them that you don’t like who they are. A child’s core is their central being, and that core craves unconditional love and acceptance. If a child gets that love and acceptance, he or she can open his or her mind to parental criticism and direction, because to do so doesn’t threaten the safety of their core being. On the other hand, if a child doesn’t experience unconditional love and acceptance, every piece of criticism and/or direction represents an existential threat to their whole being.
“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?” ~ Jane Nelson
Somewhere on the road of life, many parents have forgotten what it felt like to be a child receiving punishment. Parents, frequently claim they’re doing their child a favor by meeting out severe punishment, but their severity prompts a different result. Excessive punishment doesn’t make a child behave better. It does, however, make the child better at hiding his or her misdeeds.
“What it's like to be a parent: It's one of the hardest things you'll ever do, but in exchange it teaches you the meaning of unconditional love.” ~ Nicholas Sparks, “The Wedding”
Ain’t that the truth! The number of bone-headed moves a child can make is limitless. If a parent conditions their love for their child on the number of mistakes a child makes, no child would ever have a chance at experiencing unconditional love.
“I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway... let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves.” ~ C. JoyBell C.
My daughter, Rachel drove herself to school a couple of weeks ago. The roads were icy and treacherous, and a part of me wanted to forbid her from driving the car, because I didn’t want her to get into a wreck and get hurt. She has a tendency to drive too fast, as a lot of kids do, and I worried about the increased risk of her rear-ending someone or sliding through an intersection after being unable to stop in time. Here’s the thing, though. How would she ever learn to drive on ice if I didn’t give her a chance to experience those conditions? How would she ever learn what is “driving too fast for conditions” if I didn’t allow her the chance to make that mistake? As difficult as it is for a parent, you’ve got to send your children out to experience life on their own terms.
“The best way to make children good is to make them happy.” ~ Oscar Wilde
Oscar wasn’t saying that we turn our kids into spoiled brats by giving them everything, but concentrating on their happiness in a loving manner does help them become better people. During the spring of 1998, my daughter, Abby and several of her classmates wanted to go to a “boy band” concert at the York Fairgrounds, but the tickets went on sale during a weekday at noon when the kids were in school. I stood in line at the fairgrounds for four hours that day, in the rain, to score tickets so six 12-year olds could scream at their boy-band heartthrobs. Whenever Abby talks about that concert, she always mentions my waiting in line, and I know how much happiness that brought to her. She didn’t have to earn my sacrifice; I just did it, and I think Abby is a better person today because I demonstrated that I was interested in her happiness.
“Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears.” ~ Henry Cloud
If we expect thanks and words of appreciation from our children in order to motivate our actions as a parent, we’d never do anything good for our children. Narcissism is part and parcel of being a child, especially during the teenage years. It’s part of their protective shell. The only way of helping our children outgrow their natural self-centeredness is to demonstrate the value of looking out for others by actually doing so.
“I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn't do what I wanted, I'd kill him.” ~ Katharine Hepburn
You have to admire Hepburn’s honesty. She recognized that a lot of parents punish their child because the child hasn’t satisfied the parent’s narcissistic desires, not because the child has done something that is intrinsically bad.
“It's not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.” ~ L.R. Knost, “Two Thousand Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting through the Ages and Stages”
Now there’s a woman who gets it! In the end, the people with warm hearts make the biggest difference.
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” ~ James Baldwin
If you yell at your children every day and told them that you worked your ass off for every dime you ever made, and that they should be doing the same. What would your children learn? Would they learn to work their asses off every single day? No, they’d learn to yell!
“Say “no” only when it really matters. Wear a bright red shirt with bright orange shorts? Sure. Put water in the toy tea set? Okay. Sleep with your head at the foot of the bed? Fine. Samuel Johnson said, “All severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle.” ~Gretchen Rubin
We tend to impose a lot of unnecessary rules and regulations on our children that end up being counterproductive and even harmful in the long run. If you want a child to go from point A to point B, give them a map, but don’t lock them in the garage.
“Our greatest duty to our children is to love them first. Secondly, it is to teach them. Not to frighten, force, or intimidate our children into submission, but to effectively teach them so that they have the knowledge and tools to govern themselves.” ~ Richelle E. Goodrich, “Smile Anyway: Quotes, Verse, & Grumblings for Every Day of the Year”
In my experience, you can intimidate a young child into submission (not that it’s healthy to do so), but the minute he or she becomes a teenager, intimidation no longer works, unless you’re prepared to pair it with a firearm. Teenagers are too bone-headed to give in to parental intimidation. In fact, I think they get sadistic pleasure in watching parents spin their wheels in frustration.
“You can't make your kids do anything. All you can do is make them wish they had. And then, they will make you wish you hadn't made them wish they had. ” ~ Marshall B. Rosenberg
Oftentimes, you reap what you sow, so it’s a good idea to pay attention to the seeds in your bag.
“If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.” ~ George Carlin, “Brain Droppings”
You can’t argue with George!
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Monday, March 9, 2015
AVIARY DRAMA
The birds that flock to the backyard feeders I maintain during the winter months are a surprising bunch. In some instances, they are just as fickle as humans. For example, my aviary visitors refuse to feed at a swanky suet feeder that has a roof covering the suet bricks, but several different species, including two varieties of woodpeckers constantly peck away at two exposed suet bricks hanging on a separate pole. Apparently, the birds in my neighborhood prefer outdoor picnics, even in the rain and snow.
Ever since I replaced the roof-covered suet feeder with a simple Nyjer seed sock – there were two hanging from poles already, the goldfinches that frequent those socks have no problem with the expanded buffet, except for one particular “bully” goldfinch. The goldfinch in question gets aggressive if other finch try to feed on the sock it’s using, and to ward off dinner companions, it flails out its feathers in the same manner peacocks do, to make it appear large and intimidating. The result is this – two Nyjer seed socks are oftentimes host 5 or 6 goldfinches apiece, and the third sock hosts the solitary bully finch.
One morning, I observed a junco (a bird twice the size of a goldfinch) land on the sock where the bully goldfinch was feeding, and sensing the sock’s movement caused by an unwanted guest the bully goldfinch charged around the side of the sock and spread its wings. For a split second, the junco didn’t move, and then the junco spread its wings too, as if to say that two could play that game, and the goldfinch ceded the high ground and flew off. The moral here: it takes a bully to beat a bully.
The Nyjer seed socks in my backyard are heavily used and must be refilled every two of three days. My normal practice is to wait until there are no birds at the feeders before restocking the feeders. Several weeks ago, when it appeared that there were no birds at the feeders, I opened the sliding glass door to my backyard and several finches flew from the ground to the nearby cherry tree. They watched me fill up the socks, and a second after I entered my house the finches returned to the socks and continued feeding. I decided to change my restocking routine to see if it would make any difference, and yesterday, it did. When I walked outside and took down one of the socks, the goldfinches feeding on the other two socks didn’t fly off as I expected. They watched me, but they didn’t fly off. It was somewhat shocking. After I re-hung the first shock and went to get the second sock, the birds on the second sock flew to the first sock, but the birds on the third sock kept on feeding as if I wasn’t there. I was no more than 24 inches from the birds on the 3rd sock, but those birds kept on feeding. When I returned for the 3rd sock, the finches moved over to the 2nd sock instead of flying away. Is it possible they’ve connected me with the food and aren’t worried about me? Who knows?
The goldfinches have another behavior that I find amusing. When they arrive to feed, they do so in a group of between 10 and 16 birds, and the first arrivals land on the upper branches of the cherry tree out back and remain in the highest branches for three or four minutes. It appears as if they’re scanning the terrain for any sign of predators. Then, a couple of the birds start descending to lower branches, hopping from one branch to a lower branch, like droplets of water descending over rocks on a downward sloping stream. Eventually, one brave finch flies to a feeder. Fifteen or twenty seconds later, the rest of the hoard converges on the socks, and of course, you can identify which bird is the bully in the group.
Ever since I replaced the roof-covered suet feeder with a simple Nyjer seed sock – there were two hanging from poles already, the goldfinches that frequent those socks have no problem with the expanded buffet, except for one particular “bully” goldfinch. The goldfinch in question gets aggressive if other finch try to feed on the sock it’s using, and to ward off dinner companions, it flails out its feathers in the same manner peacocks do, to make it appear large and intimidating. The result is this – two Nyjer seed socks are oftentimes host 5 or 6 goldfinches apiece, and the third sock hosts the solitary bully finch.
One morning, I observed a junco (a bird twice the size of a goldfinch) land on the sock where the bully goldfinch was feeding, and sensing the sock’s movement caused by an unwanted guest the bully goldfinch charged around the side of the sock and spread its wings. For a split second, the junco didn’t move, and then the junco spread its wings too, as if to say that two could play that game, and the goldfinch ceded the high ground and flew off. The moral here: it takes a bully to beat a bully.
The Nyjer seed socks in my backyard are heavily used and must be refilled every two of three days. My normal practice is to wait until there are no birds at the feeders before restocking the feeders. Several weeks ago, when it appeared that there were no birds at the feeders, I opened the sliding glass door to my backyard and several finches flew from the ground to the nearby cherry tree. They watched me fill up the socks, and a second after I entered my house the finches returned to the socks and continued feeding. I decided to change my restocking routine to see if it would make any difference, and yesterday, it did. When I walked outside and took down one of the socks, the goldfinches feeding on the other two socks didn’t fly off as I expected. They watched me, but they didn’t fly off. It was somewhat shocking. After I re-hung the first shock and went to get the second sock, the birds on the second sock flew to the first sock, but the birds on the third sock kept on feeding as if I wasn’t there. I was no more than 24 inches from the birds on the 3rd sock, but those birds kept on feeding. When I returned for the 3rd sock, the finches moved over to the 2nd sock instead of flying away. Is it possible they’ve connected me with the food and aren’t worried about me? Who knows?
The goldfinches have another behavior that I find amusing. When they arrive to feed, they do so in a group of between 10 and 16 birds, and the first arrivals land on the upper branches of the cherry tree out back and remain in the highest branches for three or four minutes. It appears as if they’re scanning the terrain for any sign of predators. Then, a couple of the birds start descending to lower branches, hopping from one branch to a lower branch, like droplets of water descending over rocks on a downward sloping stream. Eventually, one brave finch flies to a feeder. Fifteen or twenty seconds later, the rest of the hoard converges on the socks, and of course, you can identify which bird is the bully in the group.
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
JE SUIS CHARLIE
The world must unite in efforts to weed out and silence Islamic terrorists who shower violence upon the peace-loving people of this world and bring shame upon the religion and god they claim to follow. There is no place in Islam for terrorism. Allah does not condone violence. I mourn for the good people of France following today's terrorist attack and for the friends and families who lost loved-ones in this senseless act of violence. I stand with Charlie. Je suis Charlie!
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
A FEW RANDOM THOUGHTS ON MY BIRD BRAINED FRIENDS
I enjoy watching the menagerie of birds that flock to my backyard bird feeders every winter, and this winter is no exception. I’m not sure exactly why, but I take great pleasure from watching nature’s avian version of a soap opera on a daily basis. At one point yesterday afternoon, there were five pairs of goldfinches feeding on the niger seed socks I set out at the same time. We’re lucky if we see any goldfinches around here from April to November, but once the weather turns cold they must return to this area in large numbers. The juncos are back en mass too. There’s always five or six of them on the ground snatching up leftovers. My wife recently discovered that a tufted titmouse - a tiny brown bird with a distinctive long beak and wings that trail off and resemble a mouse’s tail – had made its home in my small green birdhouse that warblers normally occupy. It’s been carrying twigs into the birdhouse all weekend. I hope that doesn’t mean we’re in for squabbling neighbors. I prefer a quiet neighborhood. Several cardinals dine at Chez Etienne’s (Steve’s home in French) on a regular basis along with the usual assortment of house sparrows and overly bossy wrens. Apparently, there’s a wren in every neighborhood! The birds I like watching most are the woodpeckers. A small downy woodpecker and a huge red-crested woodpecker are frequent visitors. They go for the suet. There’s also a pair of chicken hawks that like to hang out on the top of one of my backyard trees. Neither hawk goes to the feeders, but they do keep the squirrels at bay.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
TWO MOBS - TWO VIEWS
On the evening of December 16, 1773, a mob of American colonists boarded three ships moored in Boston Harbor. The ships were laden with chests of tea belonging to Britain’s East India Trading Company, a privately held business. Angered by policies imposed on the colonies by the British Crown, that famous colonial mob dumped 342 tea-filled chests overboard into the icy waters below. For their destruction of private property, the colonial mob gained the admiration of fellow colonists, favorable treatment and praise during the past two hundred and thirty-nine years of American History and a boisterous political party bearing its name.
Contrast the Boston mob of yesteryear with the recent mobs in Ferguson, Missouri and elsewhere around the nation, often causing damage to private property in the name of protesting racial injustice, and I have to wonder whether two hundred and thirty-nine years from now, folks will look back at the mob violence of 2014 with equal admiration. Somehow, I doubt it, but the question should be asked. Why not? Isn’t destroying private property in the name of correcting civil injustice etched in our bones? Don’t we secretly relish sticking it to “the man?” Isn’t civil disobedience laudable, even if a number of people have their property destroyed in the process? If that’s not the case, then why is it that, in this nation of supposed equality, white mobs that cause damage to personal property are treated with admiration, but black mobs using similar methods are treated with disdain? Those are rhetorical questions, but I think we all know the answers.
Contrast the Boston mob of yesteryear with the recent mobs in Ferguson, Missouri and elsewhere around the nation, often causing damage to private property in the name of protesting racial injustice, and I have to wonder whether two hundred and thirty-nine years from now, folks will look back at the mob violence of 2014 with equal admiration. Somehow, I doubt it, but the question should be asked. Why not? Isn’t destroying private property in the name of correcting civil injustice etched in our bones? Don’t we secretly relish sticking it to “the man?” Isn’t civil disobedience laudable, even if a number of people have their property destroyed in the process? If that’s not the case, then why is it that, in this nation of supposed equality, white mobs that cause damage to personal property are treated with admiration, but black mobs using similar methods are treated with disdain? Those are rhetorical questions, but I think we all know the answers.
Saturday, December 27, 2014
DUELING DICTATORS
Whether it was planned or not, Russian dictator Vladimir Putin spent yesterday dueling North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Un for the “stupid is as stupid does” award. Putin cancelled New Year’s Day in Russia because the Russian economy is tanking. Not to be outdone, Kim Jong Un made an appearance on Korean TV and called U.S. President Obama a monkey. Putin, a judo expert, countered with an order placing a cap on the price of Vodka sold in Russia. Kim Jong Un saw that as a counterattack, so he vowed to obliterate the United States with his cardboard [my adjective, not his] rockets. Both men flirt with the absurd on a regular basis, but they are widely popular in their own countries, so they can afford their delusions of grandeur.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS
Assault rifle – check. Ammunition – check. Two extra clips – check. Radio – check. Night vision goggles – check. Camouflage suit – check. Boots – check. Canteen – check. Compass – check. Map – check. K-rations – check. Okay men, let the War on Christmas begin!
"Wait a minute, sir. Did you say the War on Christmas?"
Yes, I did soldier. You have a problem with that?
"Uh, no sir, but I was just wondering. Isn’t the War on Christmas something liberals, Democrats and atheists fight every December? Why’s the Army getting involved? We’re conservatives!"
Good question, Kowalski. A couple of weeks ago, Army “intel” intercepted some Democratic emails. Apparently, the liberal War on Christmas is an elaborate hoax. The liberals want us to believe they’re against Christmas, but they’re not. Their secret plan is to get us to promote Christmas giving, and the next thing you know we’ll be knee-deep in government social programs. The brass upstairs isn’t going to allow that to happen. Look, next to Obamacare, Christmas is the largest threat to everything we Americans stand for, and it’s high time we bury this Baby Jesus thing before it buries us. Our mission is to take out Baby Jesus, Mary, Joseph, the shepherds and those terrorists posing as three kings. If you get a shot at an angel, take them out too, but they’re not our primary objective. Let the air force deal with the flyboys. Any questions? [several hands go up]
Oh geez, I should have known the Army would give me a pack of nitwits. You, numb nut in the back row, what’s your question?
“Sir, I’ve never shot at a Baby Jesus before!”
What are you, private Beck, some kind of liberal sissy? You got a problem with guns? Your momma voted for Obama, right? Look numb nut, there’s nothing to it. You look through your scope. When you see the Baby Jesus in the cross hairs, pull the trigger. Splat! End of story.
Okay private Cruz, what’s your question?
“Can’t this wait until after the holiday season, sir? We’ll have more of our buddies in Congress then.”
No can do! Army ‘intel’ says that Joseph Company plans to sneak across the border in a few days. Next thing you know, Joseph or one of his immigrant buddies will be taking your job. Okay, O’Reilly, what now?
“I don’t think this war on Christmas is a good idea, sir?”
Look O’Reilly, if the Army wants you to think, it’ll tell you to turn off FOX news. In the meantime, man up and grow some balls! Next question. Beohner, what’s up?
“Sir, what if Joseph is armed?”
What kind of stupid question is that? Liberals don’t pack heat! They think it’s beneath them.
“What about Mary, sir?”
You mean that unwed mom addicted to Section 8 stables and three king handouts? You ever see her working? I know I haven’t. You want somebody like that on TV with Snooki and her friends being a role model for your daughter? Not me, private. Not me. What is it, McConnell?
"There’s a rumor among the guys that one of the terrorist kings is carrying gold?"
That’s your tax dollars, McConnell, and he’ll be trying to give it away to a bunch of lazy squatters, so I suggest you keep your eyes on the prize and take that guy out with one shot. Okay, who’s next? Dolan, what’s your question?
"Some of us guys are pro lifers, sir. We’re not feeling right about killing babies."
Look Dolan, nobody likes killing babies, but sometimes you have to look at the big picture. If this Baby Jesus character gets away and grows up, he’ll start preaching stuff like feeding the poor, comforting the sick and clothing the naked. The next thing you know, poor people will start voting for food stamps, more Obamacare and expanded Section 8 housing. You want poor people to vote, Dolan?
"No."
No what, Dolan?
"NO, SIR! I DON’T WANT POOR PEOPLE VOTING, SIR!"
Right! That’s why we have voter ID laws. Who’s next?
"Private Corbett, Sir. Reporting for duty."
Glad to see you could make it, Corbett. Tough election loss! You have a question?
"Should we take out the sheep too, sir?"
The shepherds and the sheep, private. Wipe them all out. Army “intel” says that liberals like to hide their handouts in sheep clothing. We’re not taking any chances. The sheep gotta go!
"Sir, what about the stable?"
Burn it to the ground, Private Ryan. Burn it!
"What about the guys with the frankincense and myrrh, sir?"
They’re not carrying frankincense and myrrh, you idiot. They’re carrying food stamps and Section 8 vouchers. Make sure that stuff is destroyed when the stable burns. The last thing the Army wants is to give the liberal media something to moan about. Any more questions?
Good! Lock and load gentlemen!
HU-RAH!
"Wait a minute, sir. Did you say the War on Christmas?"
Yes, I did soldier. You have a problem with that?
"Uh, no sir, but I was just wondering. Isn’t the War on Christmas something liberals, Democrats and atheists fight every December? Why’s the Army getting involved? We’re conservatives!"
Good question, Kowalski. A couple of weeks ago, Army “intel” intercepted some Democratic emails. Apparently, the liberal War on Christmas is an elaborate hoax. The liberals want us to believe they’re against Christmas, but they’re not. Their secret plan is to get us to promote Christmas giving, and the next thing you know we’ll be knee-deep in government social programs. The brass upstairs isn’t going to allow that to happen. Look, next to Obamacare, Christmas is the largest threat to everything we Americans stand for, and it’s high time we bury this Baby Jesus thing before it buries us. Our mission is to take out Baby Jesus, Mary, Joseph, the shepherds and those terrorists posing as three kings. If you get a shot at an angel, take them out too, but they’re not our primary objective. Let the air force deal with the flyboys. Any questions? [several hands go up]
Oh geez, I should have known the Army would give me a pack of nitwits. You, numb nut in the back row, what’s your question?
“Sir, I’ve never shot at a Baby Jesus before!”
What are you, private Beck, some kind of liberal sissy? You got a problem with guns? Your momma voted for Obama, right? Look numb nut, there’s nothing to it. You look through your scope. When you see the Baby Jesus in the cross hairs, pull the trigger. Splat! End of story.
Okay private Cruz, what’s your question?
“Can’t this wait until after the holiday season, sir? We’ll have more of our buddies in Congress then.”
No can do! Army ‘intel’ says that Joseph Company plans to sneak across the border in a few days. Next thing you know, Joseph or one of his immigrant buddies will be taking your job. Okay, O’Reilly, what now?
“I don’t think this war on Christmas is a good idea, sir?”
Look O’Reilly, if the Army wants you to think, it’ll tell you to turn off FOX news. In the meantime, man up and grow some balls! Next question. Beohner, what’s up?
“Sir, what if Joseph is armed?”
What kind of stupid question is that? Liberals don’t pack heat! They think it’s beneath them.
“What about Mary, sir?”
You mean that unwed mom addicted to Section 8 stables and three king handouts? You ever see her working? I know I haven’t. You want somebody like that on TV with Snooki and her friends being a role model for your daughter? Not me, private. Not me. What is it, McConnell?
"There’s a rumor among the guys that one of the terrorist kings is carrying gold?"
That’s your tax dollars, McConnell, and he’ll be trying to give it away to a bunch of lazy squatters, so I suggest you keep your eyes on the prize and take that guy out with one shot. Okay, who’s next? Dolan, what’s your question?
"Some of us guys are pro lifers, sir. We’re not feeling right about killing babies."
Look Dolan, nobody likes killing babies, but sometimes you have to look at the big picture. If this Baby Jesus character gets away and grows up, he’ll start preaching stuff like feeding the poor, comforting the sick and clothing the naked. The next thing you know, poor people will start voting for food stamps, more Obamacare and expanded Section 8 housing. You want poor people to vote, Dolan?
"No."
No what, Dolan?
"NO, SIR! I DON’T WANT POOR PEOPLE VOTING, SIR!"
Right! That’s why we have voter ID laws. Who’s next?
"Private Corbett, Sir. Reporting for duty."
Glad to see you could make it, Corbett. Tough election loss! You have a question?
"Should we take out the sheep too, sir?"
The shepherds and the sheep, private. Wipe them all out. Army “intel” says that liberals like to hide their handouts in sheep clothing. We’re not taking any chances. The sheep gotta go!
"Sir, what about the stable?"
Burn it to the ground, Private Ryan. Burn it!
"What about the guys with the frankincense and myrrh, sir?"
They’re not carrying frankincense and myrrh, you idiot. They’re carrying food stamps and Section 8 vouchers. Make sure that stuff is destroyed when the stable burns. The last thing the Army wants is to give the liberal media something to moan about. Any more questions?
Good! Lock and load gentlemen!
HU-RAH!
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