Now that FOX News Corporation has acknowledged that its news commentator, Bill O’Reilly has bloviated in public on at least three separate occasions, it’s time for the unfair and unbalanced network to erase O’Reilly’s face from its programming and relegate his vociferate trope to the dustbins of history. If you think I’m kidding about O’Reilly’s shocking proclivities, pick up and read a copy of O’Reilly’s 1998 book, “Those Who Trespass,” wherein O’Reilly’s protagonist coyly asks his naked companion whether she’ll beg him to perform unnatural sex acts on her in the shower. It’s the kind of gratuitous filth that is more suited for an article in Larry Flint’s Hustler magazine or the pages of Forty-Two Shades of Purple, or whatever it’s called, than for a library’s bookshelf. This is the man who’s the face of FOX political commentary. Do good and decent parents in this Country really want an exposed raconteur like O’Reilly expositing to their little children while waiting on the corner for their school bus to arrive? I certainly hope not! I know I don’t! Bill O’Reilly is a cognoscenti of the lowest magnitude, pure and simple. He has inveighed enough drivel for ten lifetimes, in my estimation, and the sooner his face and opinions disappear from the airways of this nation, the safer all our children will be.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
SOME THOUGHTS ON PARENTHOOD
“Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.” ~ Bill Ayers
Bill makes a good point, because the surest way to get a child to close the door on parental advice is to convey to them that you don’t like who they are. A child’s core is their central being, and that core craves unconditional love and acceptance. If a child gets that love and acceptance, he or she can open his or her mind to parental criticism and direction, because to do so doesn’t threaten the safety of their core being. On the other hand, if a child doesn’t experience unconditional love and acceptance, every piece of criticism and/or direction represents an existential threat to their whole being.
“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?” ~ Jane Nelson
Somewhere on the road of life, many parents have forgotten what it felt like to be a child receiving punishment. Parents, frequently claim they’re doing their child a favor by meeting out severe punishment, but their severity prompts a different result. Excessive punishment doesn’t make a child behave better. It does, however, make the child better at hiding his or her misdeeds.
“What it's like to be a parent: It's one of the hardest things you'll ever do, but in exchange it teaches you the meaning of unconditional love.” ~ Nicholas Sparks, “The Wedding”
Ain’t that the truth! The number of bone-headed moves a child can make is limitless. If a parent conditions their love for their child on the number of mistakes a child makes, no child would ever have a chance at experiencing unconditional love.
“I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway... let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves.” ~ C. JoyBell C.
My daughter, Rachel drove herself to school a couple of weeks ago. The roads were icy and treacherous, and a part of me wanted to forbid her from driving the car, because I didn’t want her to get into a wreck and get hurt. She has a tendency to drive too fast, as a lot of kids do, and I worried about the increased risk of her rear-ending someone or sliding through an intersection after being unable to stop in time. Here’s the thing, though. How would she ever learn to drive on ice if I didn’t give her a chance to experience those conditions? How would she ever learn what is “driving too fast for conditions” if I didn’t allow her the chance to make that mistake? As difficult as it is for a parent, you’ve got to send your children out to experience life on their own terms.
“The best way to make children good is to make them happy.” ~ Oscar Wilde
Oscar wasn’t saying that we turn our kids into spoiled brats by giving them everything, but concentrating on their happiness in a loving manner does help them become better people. During the spring of 1998, my daughter, Abby and several of her classmates wanted to go to a “boy band” concert at the York Fairgrounds, but the tickets went on sale during a weekday at noon when the kids were in school. I stood in line at the fairgrounds for four hours that day, in the rain, to score tickets so six 12-year olds could scream at their boy-band heartthrobs. Whenever Abby talks about that concert, she always mentions my waiting in line, and I know how much happiness that brought to her. She didn’t have to earn my sacrifice; I just did it, and I think Abby is a better person today because I demonstrated that I was interested in her happiness.
“Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears.” ~ Henry Cloud
If we expect thanks and words of appreciation from our children in order to motivate our actions as a parent, we’d never do anything good for our children. Narcissism is part and parcel of being a child, especially during the teenage years. It’s part of their protective shell. The only way of helping our children outgrow their natural self-centeredness is to demonstrate the value of looking out for others by actually doing so.
“I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn't do what I wanted, I'd kill him.” ~ Katharine Hepburn
You have to admire Hepburn’s honesty. She recognized that a lot of parents punish their child because the child hasn’t satisfied the parent’s narcissistic desires, not because the child has done something that is intrinsically bad.
“It's not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.” ~ L.R. Knost, “Two Thousand Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting through the Ages and Stages”
Now there’s a woman who gets it! In the end, the people with warm hearts make the biggest difference.
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” ~ James Baldwin
If you yell at your children every day and told them that you worked your ass off for every dime you ever made, and that they should be doing the same. What would your children learn? Would they learn to work their asses off every single day? No, they’d learn to yell!
“Say “no” only when it really matters. Wear a bright red shirt with bright orange shorts? Sure. Put water in the toy tea set? Okay. Sleep with your head at the foot of the bed? Fine. Samuel Johnson said, “All severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle.” ~Gretchen Rubin
We tend to impose a lot of unnecessary rules and regulations on our children that end up being counterproductive and even harmful in the long run. If you want a child to go from point A to point B, give them a map, but don’t lock them in the garage.
“Our greatest duty to our children is to love them first. Secondly, it is to teach them. Not to frighten, force, or intimidate our children into submission, but to effectively teach them so that they have the knowledge and tools to govern themselves.” ~ Richelle E. Goodrich, “Smile Anyway: Quotes, Verse, & Grumblings for Every Day of the Year”
In my experience, you can intimidate a young child into submission (not that it’s healthy to do so), but the minute he or she becomes a teenager, intimidation no longer works, unless you’re prepared to pair it with a firearm. Teenagers are too bone-headed to give in to parental intimidation. In fact, I think they get sadistic pleasure in watching parents spin their wheels in frustration.
“You can't make your kids do anything. All you can do is make them wish they had. And then, they will make you wish you hadn't made them wish they had. ” ~ Marshall B. Rosenberg
Oftentimes, you reap what you sow, so it’s a good idea to pay attention to the seeds in your bag.
“If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.” ~ George Carlin, “Brain Droppings”
You can’t argue with George!
Bill makes a good point, because the surest way to get a child to close the door on parental advice is to convey to them that you don’t like who they are. A child’s core is their central being, and that core craves unconditional love and acceptance. If a child gets that love and acceptance, he or she can open his or her mind to parental criticism and direction, because to do so doesn’t threaten the safety of their core being. On the other hand, if a child doesn’t experience unconditional love and acceptance, every piece of criticism and/or direction represents an existential threat to their whole being.
“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?” ~ Jane Nelson
Somewhere on the road of life, many parents have forgotten what it felt like to be a child receiving punishment. Parents, frequently claim they’re doing their child a favor by meeting out severe punishment, but their severity prompts a different result. Excessive punishment doesn’t make a child behave better. It does, however, make the child better at hiding his or her misdeeds.
“What it's like to be a parent: It's one of the hardest things you'll ever do, but in exchange it teaches you the meaning of unconditional love.” ~ Nicholas Sparks, “The Wedding”
Ain’t that the truth! The number of bone-headed moves a child can make is limitless. If a parent conditions their love for their child on the number of mistakes a child makes, no child would ever have a chance at experiencing unconditional love.
“I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway... let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves.” ~ C. JoyBell C.
My daughter, Rachel drove herself to school a couple of weeks ago. The roads were icy and treacherous, and a part of me wanted to forbid her from driving the car, because I didn’t want her to get into a wreck and get hurt. She has a tendency to drive too fast, as a lot of kids do, and I worried about the increased risk of her rear-ending someone or sliding through an intersection after being unable to stop in time. Here’s the thing, though. How would she ever learn to drive on ice if I didn’t give her a chance to experience those conditions? How would she ever learn what is “driving too fast for conditions” if I didn’t allow her the chance to make that mistake? As difficult as it is for a parent, you’ve got to send your children out to experience life on their own terms.
“The best way to make children good is to make them happy.” ~ Oscar Wilde
Oscar wasn’t saying that we turn our kids into spoiled brats by giving them everything, but concentrating on their happiness in a loving manner does help them become better people. During the spring of 1998, my daughter, Abby and several of her classmates wanted to go to a “boy band” concert at the York Fairgrounds, but the tickets went on sale during a weekday at noon when the kids were in school. I stood in line at the fairgrounds for four hours that day, in the rain, to score tickets so six 12-year olds could scream at their boy-band heartthrobs. Whenever Abby talks about that concert, she always mentions my waiting in line, and I know how much happiness that brought to her. She didn’t have to earn my sacrifice; I just did it, and I think Abby is a better person today because I demonstrated that I was interested in her happiness.
“Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears.” ~ Henry Cloud
If we expect thanks and words of appreciation from our children in order to motivate our actions as a parent, we’d never do anything good for our children. Narcissism is part and parcel of being a child, especially during the teenage years. It’s part of their protective shell. The only way of helping our children outgrow their natural self-centeredness is to demonstrate the value of looking out for others by actually doing so.
“I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn't do what I wanted, I'd kill him.” ~ Katharine Hepburn
You have to admire Hepburn’s honesty. She recognized that a lot of parents punish their child because the child hasn’t satisfied the parent’s narcissistic desires, not because the child has done something that is intrinsically bad.
“It's not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.” ~ L.R. Knost, “Two Thousand Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting through the Ages and Stages”
Now there’s a woman who gets it! In the end, the people with warm hearts make the biggest difference.
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” ~ James Baldwin
If you yell at your children every day and told them that you worked your ass off for every dime you ever made, and that they should be doing the same. What would your children learn? Would they learn to work their asses off every single day? No, they’d learn to yell!
“Say “no” only when it really matters. Wear a bright red shirt with bright orange shorts? Sure. Put water in the toy tea set? Okay. Sleep with your head at the foot of the bed? Fine. Samuel Johnson said, “All severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle.” ~Gretchen Rubin
We tend to impose a lot of unnecessary rules and regulations on our children that end up being counterproductive and even harmful in the long run. If you want a child to go from point A to point B, give them a map, but don’t lock them in the garage.
“Our greatest duty to our children is to love them first. Secondly, it is to teach them. Not to frighten, force, or intimidate our children into submission, but to effectively teach them so that they have the knowledge and tools to govern themselves.” ~ Richelle E. Goodrich, “Smile Anyway: Quotes, Verse, & Grumblings for Every Day of the Year”
In my experience, you can intimidate a young child into submission (not that it’s healthy to do so), but the minute he or she becomes a teenager, intimidation no longer works, unless you’re prepared to pair it with a firearm. Teenagers are too bone-headed to give in to parental intimidation. In fact, I think they get sadistic pleasure in watching parents spin their wheels in frustration.
“You can't make your kids do anything. All you can do is make them wish they had. And then, they will make you wish you hadn't made them wish they had. ” ~ Marshall B. Rosenberg
Oftentimes, you reap what you sow, so it’s a good idea to pay attention to the seeds in your bag.
“If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.” ~ George Carlin, “Brain Droppings”
You can’t argue with George!
Monday, March 9, 2015
AVIARY DRAMA
The birds that flock to the backyard feeders I maintain during the winter months are a surprising bunch. In some instances, they are just as fickle as humans. For example, my aviary visitors refuse to feed at a swanky suet feeder that has a roof covering the suet bricks, but several different species, including two varieties of woodpeckers constantly peck away at two exposed suet bricks hanging on a separate pole. Apparently, the birds in my neighborhood prefer outdoor picnics, even in the rain and snow.
Ever since I replaced the roof-covered suet feeder with a simple Nyjer seed sock – there were two hanging from poles already, the goldfinches that frequent those socks have no problem with the expanded buffet, except for one particular “bully” goldfinch. The goldfinch in question gets aggressive if other finch try to feed on the sock it’s using, and to ward off dinner companions, it flails out its feathers in the same manner peacocks do, to make it appear large and intimidating. The result is this – two Nyjer seed socks are oftentimes host 5 or 6 goldfinches apiece, and the third sock hosts the solitary bully finch.
One morning, I observed a junco (a bird twice the size of a goldfinch) land on the sock where the bully goldfinch was feeding, and sensing the sock’s movement caused by an unwanted guest the bully goldfinch charged around the side of the sock and spread its wings. For a split second, the junco didn’t move, and then the junco spread its wings too, as if to say that two could play that game, and the goldfinch ceded the high ground and flew off. The moral here: it takes a bully to beat a bully.
The Nyjer seed socks in my backyard are heavily used and must be refilled every two of three days. My normal practice is to wait until there are no birds at the feeders before restocking the feeders. Several weeks ago, when it appeared that there were no birds at the feeders, I opened the sliding glass door to my backyard and several finches flew from the ground to the nearby cherry tree. They watched me fill up the socks, and a second after I entered my house the finches returned to the socks and continued feeding. I decided to change my restocking routine to see if it would make any difference, and yesterday, it did. When I walked outside and took down one of the socks, the goldfinches feeding on the other two socks didn’t fly off as I expected. They watched me, but they didn’t fly off. It was somewhat shocking. After I re-hung the first shock and went to get the second sock, the birds on the second sock flew to the first sock, but the birds on the third sock kept on feeding as if I wasn’t there. I was no more than 24 inches from the birds on the 3rd sock, but those birds kept on feeding. When I returned for the 3rd sock, the finches moved over to the 2nd sock instead of flying away. Is it possible they’ve connected me with the food and aren’t worried about me? Who knows?
The goldfinches have another behavior that I find amusing. When they arrive to feed, they do so in a group of between 10 and 16 birds, and the first arrivals land on the upper branches of the cherry tree out back and remain in the highest branches for three or four minutes. It appears as if they’re scanning the terrain for any sign of predators. Then, a couple of the birds start descending to lower branches, hopping from one branch to a lower branch, like droplets of water descending over rocks on a downward sloping stream. Eventually, one brave finch flies to a feeder. Fifteen or twenty seconds later, the rest of the hoard converges on the socks, and of course, you can identify which bird is the bully in the group.
Ever since I replaced the roof-covered suet feeder with a simple Nyjer seed sock – there were two hanging from poles already, the goldfinches that frequent those socks have no problem with the expanded buffet, except for one particular “bully” goldfinch. The goldfinch in question gets aggressive if other finch try to feed on the sock it’s using, and to ward off dinner companions, it flails out its feathers in the same manner peacocks do, to make it appear large and intimidating. The result is this – two Nyjer seed socks are oftentimes host 5 or 6 goldfinches apiece, and the third sock hosts the solitary bully finch.
One morning, I observed a junco (a bird twice the size of a goldfinch) land on the sock where the bully goldfinch was feeding, and sensing the sock’s movement caused by an unwanted guest the bully goldfinch charged around the side of the sock and spread its wings. For a split second, the junco didn’t move, and then the junco spread its wings too, as if to say that two could play that game, and the goldfinch ceded the high ground and flew off. The moral here: it takes a bully to beat a bully.
The Nyjer seed socks in my backyard are heavily used and must be refilled every two of three days. My normal practice is to wait until there are no birds at the feeders before restocking the feeders. Several weeks ago, when it appeared that there were no birds at the feeders, I opened the sliding glass door to my backyard and several finches flew from the ground to the nearby cherry tree. They watched me fill up the socks, and a second after I entered my house the finches returned to the socks and continued feeding. I decided to change my restocking routine to see if it would make any difference, and yesterday, it did. When I walked outside and took down one of the socks, the goldfinches feeding on the other two socks didn’t fly off as I expected. They watched me, but they didn’t fly off. It was somewhat shocking. After I re-hung the first shock and went to get the second sock, the birds on the second sock flew to the first sock, but the birds on the third sock kept on feeding as if I wasn’t there. I was no more than 24 inches from the birds on the 3rd sock, but those birds kept on feeding. When I returned for the 3rd sock, the finches moved over to the 2nd sock instead of flying away. Is it possible they’ve connected me with the food and aren’t worried about me? Who knows?
The goldfinches have another behavior that I find amusing. When they arrive to feed, they do so in a group of between 10 and 16 birds, and the first arrivals land on the upper branches of the cherry tree out back and remain in the highest branches for three or four minutes. It appears as if they’re scanning the terrain for any sign of predators. Then, a couple of the birds start descending to lower branches, hopping from one branch to a lower branch, like droplets of water descending over rocks on a downward sloping stream. Eventually, one brave finch flies to a feeder. Fifteen or twenty seconds later, the rest of the hoard converges on the socks, and of course, you can identify which bird is the bully in the group.
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