HEADLINE NEWS ROUNDUP

If you haven't been keeping track of national and world-wide news lately, there's been a raft of funny stuff happening that you should know about. For instance, the other day North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Un sent a fax to the South Korean government saying that he's going to rain fire down on them if they don't stop demonstrations in South Korea denouncing the North Korean regime. I guess the North's leader is a bit touchy about criticism! It's also been reported that the North Korean leader is paranoid about the use of email in his country, so he chose a fax instead. Pundits express worry over Kim Jong Un's intentions, but I figure that if fax is the best technology they've got nobody should really be worried about him...well, unless he's part of your family tree. Kim Jong Un's recent execution of his uncle was a bit over the top, even by North Korean standards, but the old uncle surely had it coming. Did you see pictures of the uncle? He must have used two gallons of oil to slick back his hair in the morning. Plus, in addition to sedition and having delusions of grandeur, the uncle was accused of womanizing and using dope. Even with a regime as oppressive as North Korean's, you simply can't tolerate womanizing.

While I'm on the subject of North Korea's leader, have you seen his picture lately? North Korea has a population of about 30 million people, and the only overweight person in the country is their leader. The rest are emaciated. Maybe somebody should fax Kim Jong Un a pamphlet for Jenny Craig.

Next, we have the Duck Dynasty brouhaha to consider. I'm sure you're a huge Duck Dynasty fan, seeing as you're reading drivel on a liberal blog. Apparently, the patriarch of the Duck Dynasty clan Phil) went on an anti-gay and racist rant during a recent magazine interview, and the cable network who airs the show - A & E networks has suspended him from the show. Sarah Palin is in an uproar, although let's be honest, it doesn't take much to get her panties bunched up in a ruffle. Palin claiming that the A & E network and liberal pundits everywhere are destroying everyone's first amendment freedom to say whatever is on anybody's mind or whatever one thinks. Well, let me be the first to exercise my first amendment rights in the manner she suggests and say that Sarah Palin is a dim-witted, piece of trailer trash with an intellect lower than that of a dung beetle...no offense meant to dung beetles...or trailer trash.

FOX network has won the 2013 cable TV ratings war, though I read an editorial the other day explaining why FOX has lost the so-called "War on Christmas." And everyone wonders why our kids don't fare well on education tests when compared to kids from other countries. Maybe if their parents stopped watching FOX news, they could regrow some grey matter in time to help their kids with their homework. Just remember, Stupid is as Stupid does! - Forrest Gump's mom.

Still agonizing over what to get some of your gay friends for Christmas? Have you considered Mattel's new 'Drag Queen' Barbie? Oh yeah, the company is reportedly trying to make headway into the guy market, which I think is their way of saying "gay guy market" without using the word gay and offending the Evangelical movement. Drag Queen Barbie is apparently a knock-off of the 1959 Hollywood Glamour Barbie, but that's just 3rd-hand gossip as far as I'm concerned.

Everybody who gets into Harvard is supposed to be the brightest of the bright, but that might not be so. Last week a Harvard student phoned in a bomb hoax to avoid having to take a test. You'd figure a kid with enough smarts to get into Harvard would know a little something about covering his tracks, but the cops were already waiting for him at his dorm room 15 minutes after the bomb hoax was phoned in. I hope he wasn't a computer science major; that kind of ineptitude would be downright embarrassing.

Another headline screamed, Would-be Reagan assassin John Hinckley Gets More Time Out of Mental Hospital. My gut reaction to that story was that Hinckley should have been declared a national hero instead of being insane, but I guess society is not yet prepared to recognize that people with mental illnesses can be actually be ahead of their time. Yeah, I know...the guy supposedly had a crush on Jodie Foster, but let's be fair to Hinckley...that was way before Jodie Foster came out of the closet.

Here's another headline I liked: Mom Worried About Meningitis Sends Son to London to Get Shot. Either that mother is one cruel woman or nobody ever told her that bullets could be just as deadly as meningitis. In any case, I'm glad I'm not HER son!

Let's go back to the Duck Dynasty story for a moment. MSNBC on-line carried this headline...'Duck' Family Can't Imagine Life Without Phil. That's the problem with having an ensemble cast of idiots with single-digit IQs - nobody's got an imagination!

MSNBC posted another dumb headline: Group Vasectomy - The Ultimate in Male Bonding? Uh, how do I say, "NO" loud enough? I didn't even click on that tag line to read the story. Some stuff is better left unread!

There was an obituary in The New York Times worth noting: Harold Camping, Dogged Forecaster of the End of the World, Dies at 92. Finally, he was right about something!

The BBC ran a piece entitled, Neanderthals Could Speak Like Us. One day, somebody will unearth a Neanderthal newspaper with a Nostradamus-like prediction that, In the Future, Homo Sapiens Will Talk Like Us.

Consider yourself informed