MY OWN PRIVATE WAR ON TERRORISTS

Sadly, but true, this pacifist has decided to renew my own private war on terrorists – the furry variety: squirrels!

Several years ago they made their way into the eaves of our home and built a nest in the rafters. During the day, we could hear them scamper in the bathroom wall and their sound, not to mention the possibility of their causing structural damage, was extremely irritating. A broken piece of soffit allowed their entry, but as soon as the opening was repaired and the squirrels were trapped and removed (humanely, of course), the problem disappeared.

Like most terrorists who've been thwarted on their path of destruction, the squirrels have begun probing the spouting for another entry point. In turn, I’ve responded with my own form of preemptive action – a massive ‘shock and awe’ campaign that entails capture and relocation of the furry pests to a distant forest habitat.

In my own personal war on terror, there are no 24-hour interrogation sessions, no blindfolding of prisoners, no use of ‘water-boarding’ to simulate drowning, no sexual humiliation of the entrapped and no use of equipment to inflict physical pain. There’s no ‘extraordinary rendition’ for torture either, just one last opportunity for the furry rodent to finish eating the trap’s food before being released back into the wild, albeit at a location far removed from my humble abode.

My friends point out that with each departing rodent, another takes its place, and that may be true, but my vigilance – not any overreaction to the problem – will provide the best chance to insure the continued structural safety of my home. It’s a war I can wage without violating my conscience.