GIVING THANKS FOR PILGRIM HYPOCRISY

Today, we celebrate Thanksgiving and pay tribute to our grave-robbing (*) ancestors, the Pilgrims. They came to America to escape European religious persecution and then promptly started persecuting the non-Anabaptists (**) in their midst. Thus, we owe a debt of gratitude to Pilgrims for introducing the concept of hypocrisy to America. Without the product of their pioneering spirit, many a columnist would now be unemployed!

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(*) The Massasoit native tribe that inhabited the coast of Massachusetts stored food in mounds with their deceased kin. The Massasoit believed that their deceased kin would watch over the stored food until the tribe returned to the site in early spring. When the pilgrims dug into the mounds, they discovered the food and promptly raided all the burial mounds in the area, causing much consternation with the native Massasoit. The rift was eventually settled with the help of Squanto, a Massasoit native who had learned English from early English fishermen visiting the coast of New England, and befriended the Pilgrims. The Pilgrims gave the Massasoit several rifles as retribution and assisted the Massasoit in fending off an attack by a militant neighboring native tribe. That Pilgrim assistance cemented a critical relationship between the Pilgrims and the Massasoit, which allowed the Pilgrims to survive those early harsh years in Massachusetts. You probably never learned about that in school.

(**) The Pilgrims were actually in the minority on the Mayflower. In addition to the Mayflower's crew, 44 Pilgrims made the voyage to America along with 66 "strangers" (the religious Pilgrim's word for non-believers). There were so many conflicts between the Pilgrims and the "strangers" during the voyage across the Atlantic, that once land was sighted, the two groups had to negotiate a truce (called The Mayflower Compact) to guarantee equality for both groups under a single governor who would rule the colony. Eventually, some of the "strangers" returned to Europe when the Mayflower departed, some died, and some left the colony to trap and hunt on their own. Once the Pilgrims were in the majority, they began shunning the non-believing "strangers" and ostracized them from the Pilgrim community. So much for religious tolerance!