2010 was a notable year, but it was marred in January by the sudden passing of my mother-in-law, Dr. Margaret Smythe Emmons. In remembrance of her life and legacy, I am publishing the eulogy I delivered at her memorial service. She was a remarkable woman and a great humanitarian.
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"To laugh often and much; to win respect of intelligent people and the affection of children . . . to leave the world a better place. . . to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
By these standards, Margaret Rachel-Smyth Emmons was an unqualified success. I stand before you today, not just mourning the passing of a mother, a grandmother, a mother-in-law, a friend or a fellow member of this community. I stand here celebrating the success of Margaret's endeavors upon this earth.
I didn't know Margaret back in the 1920's or 1930's, the years of her youth in Correctionville, Iowa and later in Fort Dodge, but Margaret never forgot the lessons of the Great Depression – frugality, kindness to the less fortunate and the value of community service. In regard to frugality, Margaret never met a piece of aluminum foil she couldn't re-use twenty times or a plastic bag that couldn't be washed and recycled. If Margaret had written a book on frugality, it probably would have been titled, "1001 Things You Could Tie Up Using Thirty-Year Old Pantyhose".
I didn't know Margaret in the 1940's, when Margaret went to Cornell College in Mount Vernon or did something that very few women did in those days – go to Medical School. She graduated from the University of Iowa College of Medicine in 1949, and then began her career in service to others when she did her internship at St. Louis City Hospital and her residency at her alma mater, the University of Iowa…go Hawkeyes! Margaret was an ardent Hawkeye football fan; and if you called her during a football game, you can bet the conversation would be very, very short.
I wasn't even born yet when Margaret married fellow med-school classmate, Dr. Richard O. Emmons. She told Richard that she didn't mind where they lived or practiced medicine, as long as it wasn't in Clinton, Iowa – so wouldn't you know it - that's where they ended up moving to in 1954. And 56 years later, there's still an Emmons presence in Clinton. Margaret's sister-in-law, Elizabeth Emmons Gussack resides there and carries on the family banner.
By then, the first of her four children, Kathy was born. Both Margaret and Richard established private medical practices in Clinton – hers as an anesthesiologist, and his as an internist, and together, they practiced medicine for twenty-seven years, until Richard's death in 1981. Margaret practiced for five additional years before she retired, in 1986.
I didn't know Margaret in the later part of the 1950's, when she gave birth to Sally, my future wife Susan, and finally to Bob. I understand it was a hectic household with two doctors always on call, but Margaret was a great organizer and she made sure it worked.
Margaret's children thought she was a strict disciplinarian. When my wife, Susan was five and Bob was three, Susan embarked on a hairdressing career by giving Bob a haircut. Margaret nipped Susan's career plans in the bud and forbade Susan from using scissors for two whole weeks!
Margaret was also a practical woman, and she didn't confine her knowledge of anesthesia to the operating room. When the family lived on Fifth Avenue South [in Clinton], a bat found its way into the kitchen. When the bat flew into a cupboard, Margaret calmly closed the door and secured a bottle of ether. She placed a cloth soaked with ether in the cupboard, and that took care of the bat.
I've heard many stories about the Emmons' family vacations – like how Margaret would insist they stop at every historical marker on the roadway, but I've always been struck by the fact that Margaret never seems to have forgotten that her first role was that of wife and mother.
I didn't know Margaret in the 1960's or 70's, when her children were growing up in Clinton. I was growing up in Pennsylvania and Margaret was busy serving her church and her community. I could spell out a long list of organizations she served and accomplishments she attained, but I think the activity she enjoyed most was her mission work.
Margaret spent time in Ghana as a missionary training doctors and nurses, and she continued her mission work at home by being a member of the Board of Directors of Self-Help International – an organization dedicated toward helping people overcome poverty and famine by becoming more productive and self-sufficient. And if she was at a church annual meeting, Margaret always led the charge for more funds for mission work. She never met a church building project she couldn't oppose or a mission project she couldn't refuse. That's probably why she got as much solicitation mail.
I didn't know Margaret in the 1980's and the early nineties when she was traveling around the world on a regular basis, or riding her bicycle around Ireland, Belgium and other parts of Europe. I'm not 55, but I'm sure I couldn't complete RAGBRI…but she did it at age 55 and my hat goes off to her for that accomplishment. I'm lucky if I could get ten miles down the road, let alone making it all the way across Iowa.
I first met Margaret in 1998, when Susan and I journeyed to Iowa for my first Emmons' Thanksgiving…which turned out to be the first time I ever saw salmon-spinach loaf replace a turkey, and cranberry sauce with nuts and raisins instead of the stuff my mom always served from a can. I'm not sure if it was because of her frugality or her dislike for the Dallas Cowboys and the Detroit Lions, but every time I got up and went to the bathroom, Margaret got up and turned off the football game. It wasn't Hawkeye football – so I guess in her book, it didn't matter.
When Susan and I announced our engagement in early 1999, Margaret seemed to approve of our match. Oh, I'm sure she had a few reservations, after all, Margaret has always been a staunch Republican and I'm…well, let's just say I'm not! But she loved me anyway, despite what she'd characterize as my "misguided political beliefs". It probably helped that she and I had a few other things in common: a competitive spirit, a love of reading, intellectual curiosity and Scrabble. I think my habit of pulling out Scrabble wins at the last moment vexed her, but she never missed a chance to play whenever we visited. She and Susan's cousin, Nancy played Scrabble almost every Sunday night.
But Margaret's long-time love was bridge…and she was a whiz at it. She tried (unsuccessfully) on two occasions to teach me the game, and then to demonstrate the depths of her generosity at a card table, she paired me up with one her opponents.
Now, everybody in Margaret's family is probably thinking, "I thought you were going to say Margaret's long-time love was her geography game – Go Travel Africa." No, Bridge was her long-time love. Go Travel Africa was her passion! There's a big difference between the two.
Margaret developed Go Travel Africa because of her love for mission work, her love of Africa and her desire to teach its geography to her grandchildren, but then her project turned into a mission of its own – some might even say an obsession, albeit a good one. Margaret always carried a "Go Travel-Africa" game in her pocket. If you were sitting next to her on an airplane, you were going to get her spiel. If you found yourself at an event with her, make no mistake about it - she was going to sell you a game. We joked about holding a special memorial service sale, because Margaret would definitely have approved, but then we realized that if you knew her well enough to attend this service, you probably already have a game.
And if you think Margaret wasn't driven, you should know that Margaret even sold a game to her mortician…I kid you not…that's before she died. I guess Margaret figured that if he was going to get her business, she should get his too!
I will always remember Margaret as an authentic and unique individual. She lived her life independently, and on her own terms. Yes, she had her foibles. She was stubborn, and like a lot us, thought her way of doing things was the best way. If you knew her well, I'm sure you could add a few items to this list. But Margaret was a caring woman, an adventurous woman and a woman who was not afraid to forge ahead when others would have hesitated. Margaret didn't spend her retirement years resting on her laurels – she used that time like she lived her entire life…always on the go, always learning, always looking forward to what comes next.
Margaret loved God, her family, her community, her country and the world in which she lived. She cherished her friends, even when she was mad at them, and she touched the lives of countless people, many of whom will never recognize her name.
In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, that is what it means to have led a successful life. Margaret will be missed, but not forgotten by those who've known and loved her, because she lived, and we breathed easier because of it.
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