AN OPEN LETTER TO PUTIN

An Open Letter to the Leader of Russia:

Dear Mr. Putin…

It has come to my attention while observing your nuclear threats against my country (America) and its NATO allies that you may not fully understand the workings of America’s political system and the implications that has for your mother, Russia. Thus, I am writing to bring your attention to two features of our democracy – the infestation of war mongering Republicans in our government and the spread of gun-toting wing nuts who adore them - which you should seriously consider if you ever become so deranged that you carry through on your threat to use nuclear weapons against America or its allies.

First, under our constitutionally-permitted practice of gerrymandering, while the Congress is supposed to reflect the views of the majority of its citizens, our legislatures have rigged our political system so that war mongering Republicans and their NRA followers hold the balance of power in their grasp and are looking for any justification to draw the United States into a full-scale nuclear exchange with your country. You might think this is sheer folly, but I assure you there are millions of gun-happy Americans who wouldn’t think twice about using their personal arsenal to take out a few “Ruskies” in their tracks. In fact, the number of times your photo appears on shooting range targets here in America is second only to the photo of President Obama.

Second, the people in this country have different characteristics. For example, some people favor reasonable gun control regulations to maintain peace and safety in their communities, whereas others prefer to maintain a policy where everyone openly carries AK47 assault rifles wherever they go. If you’re going to bomb our country, might I suggest you start with the places where the latter group lives, like Texas, Tennessee, Kentucky, Arizona, Wyoming, Utah, Idaho and any states where the Confederate Flag still waves, which means any state south of the Mason-Dixon line, except California. I would also implore you to ignore Washington, D.C., because although it is the home of our federal government, it is also home to an overwhelming number of peace-loving Democrats who favor gun control legislation, and a city should not be judged by the number of war mongering zealots who travel there whenever Congress is in session.

What these two features of our democracy mean is that gun-loving Republicans in America will consider any threat by you or your henchmen in America’s direction as an affront to America’s superiority, and will use those threats to justify the production and sale of more guns in America, thus making our streets a considerably less safe place to be. I do not see the wisdom in such nonsense and hope to see the flood of advanced weaponry on American streets eliminated.

I hope this letter enriches your knowledge of our political system and promotes a mutual understanding of what it takes to make this world a more peaceful community.

Sincerely,

Steven Zorbaugh

p.s. I tried to get 30 GOP Senators to sign this letter with me, but they were too busy attending the NRA convention in Tennessee.