R.I.P. "Fe"

Iron is the twenty-sixth element on the Periodic Table of Elements. Its chemical symbol is "Fe". Iron is a naturally occurring solid element, except that under pressure and extreme heat, it also exists in a molten liquid state. The Earth's core, for example, is a sphere of molten iron with a diameter of approximately 760 miles and a temperature of 7,800 degrees Fahrenheit. That iron core is responsible for the electromagnetic waves that encircle our Earth and helps protect Earth's inhabitants from the sun's deadly radiation. Without iron on Earth, life as we know it would simply cease to exist.

I mention those factoids because Hasbro, owner of the popular board game Monopoly ®, just announced that the iron, a token that's been around since the 1930's has been voted off the game board. Monopoly's® iron token is being replaced by a cat. Hasbro allowed the public to vote on which game piece would get the "heave-ho" and which new token would take its place. The cat won. The iron lost, fair and square.

I have no beef with how the voting took place. My beef is with all who voted against the iron. Don't they realize how critical iron is to continued human existence here on Earth? I guess not; but they'd better not complain to me when solar radiation rains down and people start dropping over like shriveled-up flies. I didn't invite Armageddon by voting to ditch the iron.

In fact, the iron was my favorite Monopoly ® game token. It's always been the least flashy token of the lot, and that characteristic meant that the iron had an innate quality missing in its more flamboyant counterparts – invisibility. You see, when my iron slid across a Monopoly ® board and had the unfortunate stroke of luck in landing on Boardwalk or Park Place with hotels on both properties, and those properties were owned by one of my opponents, the iron's invisibility was the only thing that stood between me and bankruptcy. That iron got me through a number of pretty tight spots over the years, and I certainly appreciated its worth. Apparently, that's more than can be said about the folks who chucked it out in favor of a silly kitten.

I hope they all go directly to jail…and don't collect $200 in the process.