IS PUTIN GAY?

Is Russian President Vladimir Putin gay? Seriously, am I the only one who thinks that Russia’s “homophobe-in-chief” may actually be a closet homosexual?

Look, it really doesn’t make any difference to me. I campaign regularly for homosexual equality, support an open and affirming religious denomination (the United Church of Christ) and openly acknowledge that I am a diehard liberal Democrat who believes that the law must be blind when it comes to sexual orientation. Otherwise, equality is just an empty mantra!

Still, I wonder about Putin.

First, there the line in Shakespeare’s Hamlet, “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” If you swap out the word “lady” and insert “Putin,” that pretty much sums up the argument. Putin spends so much of his time bashing homosexuals that it seems like Shakespeare might have inadvertently hit upon something.

Next, there’s Putin’s proclivity for running around without his shirt. Yeah, I realize this argument is a patently stereotypical and totally unfair characterization of gay men, and I hope all my gay friends will forgive my transgression, but damn if a shirtless Putin doesn’t look like a model for a gay magazine cover. You’d be hard-pressed to find a buffer president anywhere!

Then, there’s the brouhaha surrounding French President, Francois Hollande and his alleged affair with French actress Julie Gayet. What’s that have to do with Putin? Well, nothing, except have you seen Francois Hollande? If a short, pudgy, over-the-hill French guy like Hollande could get a hottie like Julie Gayet to drape over his arm, not to mention the gorgeous Valerie Trierweiler who resides with Hollande at the Presidential Palace, you’d think that a guy like Putin could have a bevy of beauties swooning heavily in his wake, but the Russian President has showed no such interest in the fairer sex.

Plus, it’s not like Putin has found religion or has fallen under the spell of the Christian right-wing evangelical movement. Putin’s regime is an atheist regime and there’s little reason to think that a religious conversion is in the cards.

Finally, I find it difficult to believe that the man who could rattle off the number of American nuclear warheads pointed at his homeland would believe that homosexuality is Russia’s greatest threat. It just doesn’t fit into the greater scheme of Russian politics. So I ask myself – what gives? What’s driving Putin’s sudden focus on the sexual preferences of the Russian people?

And the only answer I can come up with is that Putin is gay, and he doesn’t want to admit it.

I rest my case.