CONFLICTED BY THE DEATH OF LEGENDS

"JoePa", the former coach of the Penn State's Nittany Lion football team, died yesterday. He was 85 years of age. His body couldn't overcome the ravages of his bout with lung cancer. I'm guessing that all the anxiety he felt over his recent firing because of the Jerry Sandusky sex abuse scandal didn't help matters. Maybe it was just his time. We'll never really know for sure.

When I first saw word of Joe Paterno's death on an Internet news site, my immediate feeling was one of conflict – sadness for the profound loss that his family and Penn State are experiencing alongside my own smoldering anger over what I view as his failure to appropriately respond to information that former Penn State coach, Jerry Sandusky was abusing children. The anger hasn't gone away because "JoePa" is now dead, nor does it overcome my feelings of grief over the passing of this long-respected legend. I guess I'm just conflicted.

I felt the same way when Michael Jackson died. Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, was a talented entertainer and a wonderfully gifted musician. His work as a philanthropist for victims of famine, earthquakes and A.I.D.S. was legendary, but there were also dark clouds that over-shadowed Jackson's life. Allegations of inappropriate sexual contact with children arose on numerous occasions, and my take on those allegations was that he bore a large measure of responsibility. Maybe I'm wrong on that account, but that's my own personal opinion and I'm comfortable with it. I do know that Jackson's death left me saddened over the passing of a musical icon at the same time as I viewed the world a tiny bit safer from a child abuser. I felt conflicted over his death. I still do.

I assume a great deal of my conflicted feelings arise because we humans like to think in terms of black and white. We avoid the grey areas and all the confusion that surrounds it. We feel most comfortable viewing folks as either "good" or "bad" – with no room for good in bad people or bad in good people. When folks do something uncharacteristic of the label we've assigned to them, it leaves us adrift in a sea of emotional conflict with seemingly no compass to find our way.

I'd like to say I've found a way around this conflict, but I can't. I'll let you know if I ever do.