MY CAMPAIGN IS DOOMED FROM THE START

Last week, I mentioned to my wife, a loyal Republican that I was considering a run for President of the United States. She didn't think it was a good idea and said so. Besides the lack of friends willing to donate the tens of millions of dollars necessary to wage a presidential campaign, she thought my closet full of skeletons was a non-starter and the fact that I'm a more liberal Democrat than President Obama would mean that I couldn't even carry my home district. In my heart of hearts I know she's right, but still, it pains me to think that my own neighbors wouldn't consider a native son, albeit an insanely liberal one, over some dimwitted G.O.P. politician who claims to understand the plight of people who reside in York County, but doesn't really have a clue. After all, everybody knows that to truly understand this county, you have to have been born and raised here, which I have been, and all the Republican presidential contenders have not. You'd think that would give me a leg up on the competition. Apparently not!