Ever since I was a little kid I've had a tough time figuring out God. You'd think that would be a simple task since he (or she for you hard-core feminists out there) gave us plenty of literature to explain what's expected of us, but it's not. The Bible, the Koran and the Torah are all fascinating books, but they're extraordinarily long to read, and complicated and frequently contradictory. Sometimes, it's hard to believe they all originated from the same God.
I've always thought that God was kind of mean on occasion. Take the time when he sent Abraham out to sacrifice Isaac. Then, after Abraham bound his son, placed Isaac on an altar and raised a knife above his head, God suddenly decided to intervene with a "just kidding" and called off the ritual. It sounded kind of cruel to me. The nuns in religion class claimed it was a test of Abraham's faithfulness to God, but that didn't sit well with me either. The only tests I ever took were done on paper with a No. 2 pencils, and if God was supposedly all-knowing and could see into everyone's heart, was it really necessary to scare the crap out of Isaac like that? Talk about a kid needing therapy!
God seems a bit touchy too. Remember when Moses led the Israelites around the desert for forty years and the people got hot and thirsty and demanded that Moses contact God for water? According to the story in Exodus, God told Moses to strike a certain rock and the water would flow, and Moses was a little bit skeptical, so God told him that he couldn't set foot in the Promised Land because he questioned God. That story bugged me for the longest time. You'd have thought God would have been more understanding. Moses was a nice guy, and he took a lot of crap from the people he led, especially when the conditions in the desert were bad, which is pretty typical of deserts. I'll probably go to Hell for saying this, but I thought Moses deserved some slack. The hot desert sun probably got to him. I know I get snappy and irritable whenever I've been out in the sun too long. It happens!
Another thing about God I find baffling is the way He (or she) switches side on a daily basis. For instance, one day God directs Osama bin Laden to kill thousands in the United States. The next day He tells the United States to kill thousands by invading Iraq. The day after that, He instructs Hezbollah in Lebanon to lob rockets at Israel. The following day, He authorizes the Israeli cabinet to sanction assassinations in Iran, all the while telling the Ayatollah's in Iran to build bombs to obliterate Israel. It would kind of make sense if God owned stock in arms manufacturers, but if God's plan is for men (and women) to live in peace and harmony with one another, egging on armies and authorizing mass killings doesn't seem like the best way to accomplish that goal.
And what about Tim Tebow? Forty-three percent of Americans (mostly Evangelical Christians) believed that God was on Tebow's side and was responsible for Tebow winning all those games for the Denver Broncos. Was it really Tebow's public piety? And if that's the case, then why did the Patriots, who hail from the land of liberals and staunch Democrats, whoop the crap out of Tebow and company a week after the Broncos eliminated the Pittsburg Steelers? Sure, I'm from Pennsylvania, but I'd still like to know what happened. Did St. Peter forget to tell God that the game was on FOX? I'm also interested in knowing why the 49'ers beat the Saints, if that's not too much to ask. I guess I'm still struggling with figuring out what God wants. He (or she) is a mystery to me.
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