A team of research specialists at the Fellows Institute of Technology (FIT) released their findings earlier today from a comprehensive study they undertook to examine accumulated brain damage experienced by adult Republican voters after listening to the campaign rhetoric of presidential candidates Donald Trump and Ted Cruz. The study results suggested a strong causal link between the amount of time study participants spent listening to the mentioned candidates and participants exhibiting signs of long-term memory deficit, loss of critical thinking skills and a significant increase in uncontrollably rude and obnoxious verbal outbursts.
The study, which involved magnetic imaging of 250 Republican brains as well as cognitive testing and oral interviews with each subject, provides valuable proof that repeatedly listening to campaign rhetoric of certain Republican candidates carries a substantial risk of suffering long-term neurological damage.
Results of the study will be published in the February 2016 issue of The Journal of Political Psychology and Voter Pandering.
“We commenced the study thinking that Trump and Cruz followers, as a whole, would exhibit lower I.Q. levels and limited rational thinking skills,” said B. Smart Sanders, Ph.D, one of the lead investigators in the study, “but we were shocked to see the sudden onset of long-term neurological defects in participants who had only been subject to Trump/Cruz rhetoric for as little as three hours.”
“You can suffer those ill effects from just watching the debates,” Ivory Towers, Ph.D, an assistant professor at FIT and co-author of the study explained. “I tell all of my students to go to the movies instead. They’ll learn more seeing The Force Awakens for a second time than tuning into the GOP debates.” Most liberal experts and pundits agree.
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